And yes, it DID a good start for me.

Then, one thing popped in my head was... why am I always stuck in the repetitive deep shit, the same problem, meeting the exactly the same kind of people and it happened to be worst?

Is it karma? Or, is it because of a sign that I shouldn't runaway? Even so, how should I face it?

After having a little clearer mind thanks for the psychologist visit, the solution came up. Just like that. Like a whisper.

I need to an extreme change. 

So I challenge myself to turn things around. Doing thing I never think I would do: decluttering. Throwing away all the things in the past, or the ones that should be in the trash bin. I started with things and people.

DECLUTTERING TO KONMARI
This revelation came up like a ping from your doorbell. And maybe because I also watch Baby Cobra... therefore I can thank Ali Wong for sharing her read "The Magic of Tidying Up by Marie Kondo". (Watch her on Netflix, please! She's the real feminist!)

As I've been a kind of a person who would decorate her own room with lots of random kinds of stuff being displayed, it's a big start to put a magic in my room into minimalism. But I also developed a habit where I kept unused stuffs, even a packaging of emptied sweets, or skincare I didn't like or I stop using for no reasons. Plus, unused makeups!

It took two huge plastic bags just to pack those skin care and makeups out of my room! There, I also found unused Bluetooth keyboard and stacks of old clothes I never wanted to wear---and some clothes I decided not to re-wear again. I sold those good things online and got the money to buy new clothes to give more color in my wardrobe as most remaining are black or grey.

Turns out that there's a logical explanation why you'd need more space in my room and not being crowded with things, no matter how much you like those things... you need space. Your eyes need to see some 'breathing space'.


Trying advice to do Konmari for living is like another angel's whispers for me. It popped in my head when my head told me to do extreme change and fvck everything to get myself in control. Result: not that bad! I'm happier. I felt relieve.

My first attempt to KonMari method. Exactly a year ago.

And trust me, it's not easy. As hoarding is a form of my depression, I cried a lot, like crazy, just to get things that are not gonna be used... out of my room. I always feel like those stuffs should be there to keep things that I'm okay with in life to stay put... like in feng shui. And I believe those things contain memories I never want to forget and efforts to appreciate. That's why, it's harder to let them go.

But since the revelations came, I kept telling myself, 'you need to do what you've never done before. Just fuck it! Start new!'

And I have more spaces now to breathe. Those hard feelings and pain are gone with those things I let go. That involved crying a lot while putting those things into the trash bags.

That also means, some books and toys will be in boxes to make it look neater.  How long does it take for my room only? Two months!


I also declutter people. I've relooked how I've been treated, misunderstood and all. Sometimes, you need to stand up cold to those people who look for you when they need you and don't care if you're busy, sick, in trouble... or sleepy (I can get text from people asking for attention at 2AM or 4AM).

These people are toxic. Once you know people don't really care about you as much you do, leave them. Build walls and distance. That's for the best. Don't waste your time and energy. I've been a sincere person and I don't see it a good thing to do.

Choose to whom you should be sincere, not everyone deserves it.

SLEEP
Technically when you sleep, your body will manage your metabolism (repair the broken cells, and some source say you can get flatter tummy if you have much enough sleep). During sleep, your body will produce serotonin to maintain your mood and all. However, you need to make sure, it's a good deep quality sleep.

Try caffeine nap! Drink coffee and take a power nap for 15 mins when you can. It also boost productivity, if you're like me who are into doing so many things at the same time.

And, during those depressed times, I get sleepy a lot. My psychologist said, it's the way my body cope with the situation I'm having, so my body can recover and go on.

I can't just sleep away like that of course, that's why it's getting worse and worse as I can't have much sleep. So now, yeah I'm recovering... slowly.


RELAYOUT YOUR ROOM
Continuing the previous bullet... and as I have told you that I believe in feng shui and all, I got the revelation that I really need to change the layout. So, within a night, I bought a new desk, cupboars and create another book corner.




DO SOMETHING NEW, FIRST TIME IN YOUR LIFE
As much as I love challenges, but when my mood drops, it's not easy to be that positive to accept new things or push yourself doing something you never know before.

That leads me into thinking to learn how to swim! Another thing that leads me to swim was my doctor's suggestion that I shouldn't take any exercise due to my low back pain and past left arm fracture... but I can't swim... and I wanted to do exercise, at least 5K running but I wasn't allowed until I got into physiotherapy or swim.

During the time, I randomly take single classes, like tea classes, baking classes, flower arrangement, or online classes. Anything that fits my schedule and my budget.

After I regain control of my life, as I move to another work place, finally I can continue my long lost Counter-Terrorism Studies class!

And the rose gold is suddenly my favorite that boosts my mood!

I tried everything new... celebrating each of my new firsts in my life. When it's closer to the time I would start, I'd ask, "What am I doing here? I shouldn't have!" But I pushed myself... after going through it, no matter I like it or not, I love it. I love how I am exposed to new things.

And yeah, guessed, my shrink visit DID a good start for me.

Something new is also including... talking to strangers and their dogs and be friends with them after knowing it's safe to spend time with them further! Then you realize the world is indeed small.

Start small? Try watching movies in Netflix, new movies (coz I do have tendencies to keep watching movies I've watched 1000 times), and break your algorithm! I made a highlight on my Instagram about movie list that could expose you to something new. That just feels so great!


EXERCISE
I know I'm kinda lucky as I'm supported by the office to get new sportwear, gym membership and all. But I also tried to exercise daily at home, using my S-Health in Samsung Galaxy smartphone. They have program for you to try and it's managable. Totally cool, but some exercise program would need you to get some dumbells. Maybe you can replace it with water bottles?

I just told you that I'm not allowed to do exercise by doc. After tried the gentle ones, low to medium intensity, like Yoga, Pilates, Barre, and TRX Yoga. Logically, anything you exercise, your body will create endorphines which will stabilize your mood and overall body process.

I was in Ubud a few days ago. I stayed in an awesome secluded place, a total hidden gem among ricefields. The air was fresh enough for me to breathe all I can. I decided to bring my Yoga mat and workout clothes. No regret! I think would be great if you can travel, too. Alone.




EAT HEALTHY


Well, I love cooking!

However, I also start to think what I eat to gain balance. As mood swing can be caused by PMS and unbalance nutrition. This trick, at least, can reduce your sufferings.

For example, I reduce eating white rice or anything wheat and too flour-y. Less fried foods. Yet, for me, I still eat naughty, let's call it cheating, but that makes you happy. Just don't make it a habit, though. I'm not into something extreme like crazy... like I said, we need balance. So I'm calling peanut butter chocolate, fried noodles, and the gangs!

I start to eat veggies, too. Well this one also goes to TRYING SOMETHING NEW. Coz I never like veggies unless spinach rice with ginger. Even I eat banana now, even though only small portion. Mixing granola is new hobby.

Cooking nuisance is also a therapy.

That's the reason why I like listening to people cooking on YouTube (those videos where the host isn't talking too much).


Maybe these things aren't changing the fact that people harm you that deep. Maybe these things cannot fix how your brain processes the situation you're struggling in.

It's been ups and downs for me. But I've decided to reclaim myself and my life. Get myself on track. Learning the essence of 'keep moving'. Get myself in control.

All those cries in the night... those anger... that sadness.... those disappointments, might not go away just like that. But, at least, it keeps you going.

The full TV ad version found on YouTube

It's a sign...

Maybe for you, it's a merely coincidence
But when I got nowhere to look up to
Universe is the only I can seek truth from
Universe is the only language I can speak

... when you no longer speak
I choose to hear life as it speaks to me...
to leave.
to survive.

Such life phase might have been represented very well in her newly developed TV series called 'Aggretsuko' with its 10-episodes-long on Netflix for the first season. At least, that's as much as I see it. Her stories makes me feel like it starts and follows us through, while her white-blank page character develops along the bitter reality it serves one by one to reach certain point in her career life. Bluntly and unmasked---but still Sanrio way.

Retsuko started off her career with nothing but passion for the so-called 'real world'. Turned out, being a responsible citizen by having a steady job and pay taxes wasn't the point of everything. Sometimes, it's about what you do that makes you a whole and whom you work with that shapes who you are. Well, in 'Aggretsuko' case, mostly it is. 

Her passion developed into focusing on fulfilling what society and others expect you to be, which won't answer anything, but to become burdens when those common barriers in office do exist. At this point, I feel like, 'oh finally somebody is speaking out what I'm thinking!' 

Learning from Retsuko, it's time for us to review all the points of what it takes to be a good employee, including what's also good for us despite our responsibility for the profession and the company we work for. The show tells us that we have to have the urge to speak up when somebody is pushing all the norms of becoming good employee while they don't do the same. Fair play, guys! It's important. It's time to ask ourselves, 'Have I been a team player? Have they been team players as well?' 

So yeah, you have the rights to review and re-think anything you're into. And you have to!

Knowing When Breaking the Limit Means Breaking Your Own Good
Aggretsuko portrayed a real depiction of reality we might have in our work life. Everyday, Retsuko faced what most of us would face in the office in general, such as rumor spreader coworkers, irresponsible supervisors, lack of leadership skill bosses, and arrogant seniors. Those result in unbalance workload, unfair treatment, questionable job assignment (regularly making your boss tea? tidying up his desk?) to daily insult and harassment. 

It has been the problem for Retsuko as she's junior, lack of experience and total plain person that has no idea to survive in the middle of competition with fake and ass-licking culture. All she knows later on that she's neglecting her own happiness in order to keep on going. 

On top of everything, what bothers her most is her work load. But let's put it this way: life is unfair. And if we follow it all to let that just happen, instead of making it better for our own good, you might learn a hard way to accept it. 

Some seniors might say to you, "I give you this much load so that you will grow and have more experience than anyone else." This might be beneficial to you, I can see it's a chance. But certain kind of seniors only use this as an excuse, because they simply don't like you (impatiently looking for your probable mistakes due to overwhelmed situation) or because you seem more reliable than your peers. It could be giving you more work means giving themselves less headache (as they will handle lesser mistakes from your less reliable teammates). Due to the latest trending work method, bosses have less time to grow their team, as well as to grow themselves into better leader.

It makes things more interesting that the show appears amidst plenty of media exposures of Japanese hardworking yet unhealthy career life (karoshi) which attract global attention these past years. It's more than rumors gangs, seniority, etc... but the wrong way of work.

...working on weekends for weeks non-stop, too.... ok, I'll stop.

Sometimes, we forgot to think through wisely and further when we're drained by such situation. I know it's awesome to dedicate yourself for work, company and industry that brings up the economy. Thinking how huge contribution you give, but you got to know that... the world and yourself is much bigger than that. You just need to give yourself a chance to grow more instead of doing the same struggle. Because, maybe it's not you... it's them.

When it's too much for you to handle, time to review all this: Are you being groomed into someone more awesome or are you being tricked deeper into some miserable company culture?

Yes, there's a such thing called exploitation.

When it's too much, really too much to handle after you tried hard for so long and nothing happens for good, just remember, you need your sanity, physical health and time for more exciting things ahead. Don't spend it to cover some incapable leaders' faces which also benefit your temporarily.

It's ok when you've tried enough, nothing happens, and you're no longer ok with that.


What to Expect When You're Expecting the Awesome Beginning
So basically, what makes work unhealthy that we have to figure out how to deal with it?

Ok, you, first-jobbers... you might celebrate those finish line you've reached by partying hard, because I don't know whether you can still do that or not in... 'reality'. Why?



Lemme prepare you. As someone with burning passion after graduation like Retsuko, so ready to have real job experience, first thing first... never expect too high. What you do at first might not always be high-risk job that seems very interesting or cool from afar. Your superiors might let you do small stuffs and count on you for those things they are lazy to do... besides, they want to look cooler than you by having someone working on the dirty laundry for them. Get that well. It's okay. Remember: this too shall pass. Let's call this one as: first fact.

However, those small stuffs you did well or extra mile might give your credit for reliability level. Gain more trust from small stuffs. Shall you not underestimate it those small stuffs. Sometimes, you have to sweat them out for good.

Secondly, when worse things go worst, here's a useful note: I've learned that some leaders are actually lucky for the positions they have. Sorry. Just being truthful. So, they are basically unable to grow you into a better person and/or a better professionals. You might recount all impactful contributions you have delivered for the company, for yourself and for the profession you hold dear. If you haven't improved by 3 - 6 months, then you might suspect that things will be the same as it is in the next one, you know you have to choose to grow somewhere else instead of being in a comfort zone (read: a battlefield you're already familiar with, even though it's comfort at all).

In my experience, I met people who are proudly saying to me for having work in the same place for 5-7 years (some, for the same position). Turned out, their department didn't have Standard Operating Procedures (then I was the one who established the SOP design). When I deliver new fresh ideas, they seemed to be reluctant, too. Worse, as they said they knew the company in details for years they have spent there, I proved they knew nothing (like Jon Snow), about what they're doing and how their profession can be in bigger picture. Worst, they worked so slowly, no matter they said they were fluent in doing their day-to-day jobs. 

So, for years, they learned slowly and small. Seriously, don't be that kind of person. Always expect to be the game changer. If the company resists, well, you're too good to be there. In fact, I spent only a year and left. That was the best decision I've ever made, no matter how complicated I felt about leaving all the company's benefits and facilities. Note to myself: I should have left sooner than that.

I know some of my peers who are also tricked by flowery words of what's coming their ways after the hard work they deliver and how huge the game they're controlling to boost their pride about their jobs. As result, they work hard and harder. Sacrificing all the work-life balance. 


Those who trick them usually bombarded them with a certain kind of 'motivations', such as getting publicity, winning an award, invitations/offers to become speakers, and other appearances to be get acknowledged by mass layer of audiences, as sets of benchmark of success. I'm telling you, those glittery side of being well-known as expert (or anything) are not false, but they're not real. Once you grow up, you'll know adults can be a real Oscar-winning-level actors to gain such things.

I'm not saying for you to become cynical or pessimistic, but to become realistic and cautious. You need to stay alert.

Number one clue: 

First face

Second face

Anyway, what could become the daily problem? 

However, Tsubone is right, we need to build up the muscles, but it should not be too much about it. Anything too much is never good. At the beginning, build it up is cool... then maintaining is another story, another way. 

If you stay with the same obstacles, doing the same thing all over again, you might lose yourself while you don't learn anything new and more. Once you realize it, the world around you might have shifted too far that you don't recognize anymore. Yes, you will learn so much the very details in dealing with incapable peers and superiors within weak system. But, is it all about it? Of course not. You are more capable (and you should) than you think to deal with more challenges ahead which would mark a legacy. Change is a consistent nature, you need to balance yourself in adapting to its roll.


Release the Pain Gradually
Ok, you might want to wait a little bit more... with possibility that things might change. Here's a useful tip from Retsuko.

Unlike other dreamy and usual cutesy Sanrio characters, Aggretsuko (Aggresive Retsuko) has brought another representation of both sweet and feminine power. The story line also strongly shows how dominant masculine culture rules workplace and how it collides with person with different vibe. To keep up with daily anger she had, she secretly went to a karaoke place to let it out through heavy metal songs....  even for me, a Sanrio fans (with enormous anger still left inside), it's rather unexpected.

Hi, I'm still Sanrio's mascot, okay? Don't forget me just yet....

Ok, we all have our own way to release pain (and we have to release that pain). This 'Aggretsuko' show is a reminder that we shouldn't judge or be judged of our own power and how we deal with things, too (as long as we don't harm ourselves and others during the process, right?) 

However, this also reminds me when I was in college, in class we discussed a lot about Japanese workplace habits, such as punching bags prepared in a break room for employees to release their stress for treatments and pressures they got from their superiors. Well, I didn't see that in 'Aggretsuko' though, yet all I enjoyed was the after-work scenes where she went to karaoke place by herself.

Anyway... when things get heated up, sometimes being angry is a must. I mean, you have to speak up as many people are just too senseless to understand what you're into. Obsession of being reliable and responsible in reward of manipulation isn't an equal give and take.

If that doesn't work, you can always try Retsuko's way. Not exactly a heavy metal karaoke, you can always try something you like... and it must not always the same. Up to you! Your life, your control, you are welcome to change your habit anytime you feel like it.

The TV show might say a lot of Japanese culture, but it doesn't mean we can't relate to Retsuko's condition. From the whole bigger picture of company culture to her stages of personality. From being a passionate worker, responsible citizen to financially struggle young employee and desperation to get married in order to quitting work. 

Even so, marriage is undoubtedly becoming temptation. However, she's lucky to be warned by Washimi, the fierce eagle Yoga buddy, who can be the example for all career women. Retsuko's love story gave her a lesson: it shouldn't be distraction escape for your troublesome career life.

Another story often happens for female workers though. As leadership mostly dominated by men, there is certain unwritten expectation to female workers. Such as being easy, nice, smiley and always ready and receptive to be humiliated. I've mentioned earlier that Retsuko's alterego brings up the issue of what might seem to be two clashing personalities: being herself and being what people expect her to be. It's about time the two can't hide to collide.

... and it's okay.

Anyway, the point is... the show 'ruins' my so-so expectation as it has more entertaining bits with an unmasked intense bitterness of reality with comedy and it shocks me a little with the heavy metal thingy Retsuko is attached to as her secret power, which is for me it's a new trend way of release pain. Ha! Blunt twist, I like that.



What Sanrio is Up to?

But, once we got in that career life jungle, we would think of vacation and leave for awhile as a 'dream'. Because when we have to go back, we'd say, "go back to reality". Umm, it seems like 'reality' is another stop in life to visit. Now, your choice.


(all GIFs sourced from giphy.com and photos from Netflix)

It could be a long one to go through what I have been through in this blogpost. But with this one, this writing, I'd like to share with you about the voices... the silent battle I can't conquer; and how I overcome the situation (with extreme changes through super challenge I make for myself) after years of self-doubts that keeps me from being an achiever I used to be, a countless anxiety attacks, and even series of episodes of dysfunction.


With a series of revelation I gained last year, now I can conclude, the best thing you can be grateful for in life is the supportive energy surrounds you. But it's not a total guarantee that everything will be fine.

I lost count on how many friendly meetups, concerts, weddings and many other important events that I've missed just because I couldn't get up from my bed, feeling confused, rejected, and locking myself in a room with fears inside my head.

The third last anxiety attack even made me rush to the Emergency Room and resulted into nothing.

On that day, I felt like my heart was about to explode, my head felt like pounding. I wanted to scream so bad, but my conscious mind was still intact to forbid me not to because I was still in the office and that would be weird. So, I held it all with a report I was working on.... yes, I kept on working for a few hours. In the middle, I took 5 mins off to the bathroom where all those anxiety could only burst into tears. A stream of tears I tried to hold back so hard, as I didn't want to get out from the bathroom cubicle with swollen eyes from crying.

I used to hold it back.
Hid it inside me until it killed me and died with all of me.

And there were nights where I was awake due to the episodes where it brought out the best and the worst in me. It could be me, having numbers of revelations after crying out loud for the things that had happened and finally able to accept it which gave me certain inspiration and bunch of ideas which all of those kept me awake to work on it. BUT also me, where I spent my nights with nothing: only wasting my time, not resting, not productive either. Yet, with tons of regrets, I kept reminding myself with. Self-blaming. It was like recurring or regular reunions with them. Progress then decline. One episode I can have myself move on, then there comes another episode to drown me back.

However, I think I'm progressing now, but what an 'insane girl' knows anyway?
All I could tell you that it's been ups-and-downs, even though I'm getting there.

It's never been easy, of course. Going through this alone, walking the day through the night every day as if there hasn't been any dust stuffed my lungs from breathing the shit out of my life.

Anyway, I live the day as if I'm ok.

People can (and always) come to me with their problems. Many times even ask for my help to support another people. When people are in trouble, I push myself harder to be awake at 2AM, or attending a meetup where I'm the one who actually ask for it as a form of support.

It finally killed me when I realized that nobody ever did the same. Nobody is there for me, nobody is asking somebody else to give me extra support.

I had my first psychologist visit, after years of not thinking that I might need one + after another few years of looking for the perfect schedule due to my then workload (as I also work on weekends in a few companies in a row in my work history). Those two and because I was not really sure to go, as well. I felt reluctant.

Until it went so severe that I couldn't handle it anymore. I couldn't control myself. Every night, I cried. For nothing and for everything. Believe me, on that phase, I could easily cry, explode with rage and etc. Worst. Blaming myself. Blaming everything.

So yeah, then, I thought, maybe it WAS the time to have a professional help.

It was 1st visit, around October, through a reference from a good friend who has the knowledge and a handful of resources on that matter. Oh well, I can tell you I pushed myself harder in order to make it to that visit. During the worst moment, I also tried to talk through with some people, hoping it would go out and leave, stop flooding my mind and heart with a burden that made me sinking in ugly reality. Somehow, it's not working. I retreated, evaluating how much I have wasted my energy to fear and time in dysfunction state.

The conclusion was... I might need another 3 sessions. But if he could find more clues of what I am dealing with, it might be more.

And what am I having? He says, 'acute depression.'

All the rage, brain fog, endless sleeping (and sometimes insomnia), self-harm, memory loss, more intense ADD, fear, anxiety and paranoid. Those aren't the problems, they are the impacts resulted from an unknown problem. Unknown here could be .... unidentified (yet).

After knowing all this, I was like... what? Ok.
What should I do?

Some suggest me of lowering my target, try to live slower and forget everything. I can't. I have a purpose in life, people whom I need to make proud of myself---and I'm also one of those I refer as 'people'---and drive to get in some point.

It's hard when you have to appear stronger than anyone else, and then you could find people blaming you when you're being on the low side.

It's hard when you have to run, chase the dream, living the life in hurry as you know you don't have much time.

It's hard when you have to do trial and error in order to have the maximum experience of life, but your fate tells you that you can't afford to fail like anyone else.

It's hard when you have to deal with this heart and mind of sinking ship, but you need and want to focus in order to succeed as you dream it. It's hard when you know, people don't have to deal with the same thing, yet do nothing, but achieve more than you do.

It's hard, no matter how hard you try to keep on moving on towards your dream, with everything ugly you have..... I repeat, you are TRYING so damn hard, but people tell you to stop by telling you to be grateful. These people are telling you that you're not grateful enough or pray as much as you're supposed to and ask you to give it all up after everything.

I just want a fair life, a fair start. And it seems like I'm far from it. That's why I'm quitting to think of going back. Coz it won't be the same fight. Coz it won't give me a little better life as I'm fighting this, I might be far behind to get the life I want.

When you spend so much to have yourself recovered from such trouble and pain, then you feel better only just for a while. Whether it's external factors or the broken side inside your head. You'll know afterward, you'll just gonna see the reality and end up stuck in the wrong place all over again. Fighting the misunderstood stream opposite your way, with those silent voices that choke you.

However, my shrink visit DID give me a little difference. I know I have a problem. And it's okay.
It was.... a good start for me or someone like me who is also dealing with silent battles.

This post might be the ugliest writing but I'm telling you I'm trying.
And I'm telling you, honestly, I still do self-harm, but I know a way (for now) to deal with it.
It might help you... with anxiety attacks and depression or not. It helped me. Surprisingly.

Right after this post.

Source: giphy

Yeah, it is expected though. A guy like that (read: a guy who doesn't understand respect) wouldn't understand what upset her. Clearly, he (might) thinks, with his great look and fame, whatever he does as he pleases to women should not be considered as SEXUAL HARASSMENT. Until today, he is safe and sound. No public apology has been made.

There's a common and accepted understanding that if your harasser is handsome/famous/rich/powerful, you should be thankful and flattered. As if it is a given that it should be seen not as a harassment. The culture has been going on this way, making women's claims of harassment in many industries considered just as a meaningless twit. So, if you're not good looking guy, you'd better not even try. Ha!

What else is expected? The society that curses the female victim and acts like the perpetrator is nowhere in sight, like a ghost. Gone. His name is rarely mention. Some people even tried to be 'positive' in understanding why he did it, but failed to be as positive when trying to understand why Via Vallen reposting the post on her IG story. In a nutshell, people stood up for him. Not for her.

In Indo, the comments were like:

• The guy is good looking. It should be okay, right?
• Oh c'mon, it's just a text. Nothing serious. It damages you none!
• What if he's just joking?
• What should you post it? Are you looking for attention?
• Why would you blow it up? Just chill.

Despite the claim she made whether he NEVER met the guy, it doesn't change what he did isn't right.

It is a different story when you both are consented previously to have such things in your relationship (official or not), then your partner come up to you such 'invitation'. In this case, I don't think so. As the guy hasn't made any statement to back himself up in public. Or, maybe he thinks he doesn't as there have been positive feedbacks which people already make for him.

Long story short, what actually happened? What happened is harassment.
Whether he's a prince-charming material or not.
Whether it involves physical or not.
Harassment is abuse and it can be done in many ways. Not just physical, verbal, etc.
Period.

People are like, what if he's just joking? Ok, then, it is an offensive joke!

Jokes are supposed to be funny, but that one in that context is not.

And that's another culture we need to banish in order to create a healthy and gender equal environment. It should be shameful past. People have to stop, from now on.

A few months ago, the country is battling a great debate about the soon-to-be-approved law where the country will imprison a pregnant/rape victim girls who are out of wedlock. The country's logic for this kind of law is put to question. However, this recent issue makes it seemed that logic is out of the question now.

When #metoo campaign is almost a success in the States, girls in Indonesia aren't really standing in for each other. Probably, the concept of harassment is still low. Remember, there are some people think what he said is not offensive, but meaningless, and the girl is blowing out of proportion.

Yet, it is not surprising for the low self-esteem Indo girls have, especially towards foreigners. In basic, they tend to buy silly meaningless romantic gestures, and sadly, they aren't capable of recognizing the equality element they deserve to have---the real sincere loving and respectful gesture.

In my observation and experience within my circles, when it comes to relationships, even further level like in marriage, most of them are willing to be the 'number second' or  accept to concept of being 'the one who needs guidance from the husband', instead of being a real couple where they walk and work together equally. Not as a team, more like a boss and the subordinate, where the guy is number 1, leading you the right way as if he's not ever going wrong. In many cases where he is, the girl will be put to blame, saying it's her job to keep the guy from wrongdoing. Well... some institution and belief need to create a better job description.

This gender concept starts the negative feedback on women's fight for safety, equality and rights as a equal human being who are not in debt to anyone else (not to a man, not to any other individuals, groups or religions) which are.... surprisingly and not so surprisingly... are also coming from fellow women.

So, how do we need such campaign like #metoo? Would it work in Indonesia? My prediction would be... if it fails to make it a 'cool campaign', a lifestyle-driven one, nobody is going to buy it. Sorry to say, Indo are easily going to be on it only when it looks cool, without understanding how and why. It will be like you're selling a product, and no one is going to try it. But, it could be the opposite due to some factors. Who knows.

Why lifestyle-driven? Coz it's the one that speaks the language they can understand.
Got to make that clear.

But what else bothers me more? I wrote this post On Prostitution, On Self-Value, On Our Own Reality when a celebrity was caught for prostitution allegation. Caught in red-handed if I may add. I stood up for her, seeing what she was going through wasn't fair. For this case, she didn't do what I did for her: standing up, not for fellow female creatures, but for fellow human beings seeking equality and justice for all gender, for what we are, for all choices we make.

I just hope that Via Vallen's fame rises more and more for her talent, not the incident, so shall she remember for the whole-packaged courage she has. The fight must go on.

Source: also from giphy