The full TV ad version found on YouTube

Source: giphy

Yeah, it is expected though. A guy like that (read: a guy who doesn't understand respect) wouldn't understand what upset her. Clearly, he (might) thinks, with his great look and fame, whatever he does as he pleases to women should not be considered as SEXUAL HARASSMENT. Until today, he is safe and sound. No public apology has been made.

There's a common and accepted understanding that if your harasser is handsome/famous/rich/powerful, you should be thankful and flattered. As if it is a given that it should be seen not as a harassment. The culture has been going on this way, making women's claims of harassment in many industries considered just as a meaningless twit. So, if you're not good looking guy, you'd better not even try. Ha!

What else is expected? The society that curses the female victim and acts like the perpetrator is nowhere in sight, like a ghost. Gone. His name is rarely mention. Some people even tried to be 'positive' in understanding why he did it, but failed to be as positive when trying to understand why Via Vallen reposting the post on her IG story. In a nutshell, people stood up for him. Not for her.

In Indo, the comments were like:

• The guy is good looking. It should be okay, right?
• Oh c'mon, it's just a text. Nothing serious. It damages you none!
• What if he's just joking?
• What should you post it? Are you looking for attention?
• Why would you blow it up? Just chill.

Despite the claim she made whether he NEVER met the guy, it doesn't change what he did isn't right.

It is a different story when you both are consented previously to have such things in your relationship (official or not), then your partner come up to you such 'invitation'. In this case, I don't think so. As the guy hasn't made any statement to back himself up in public. Or, maybe he thinks he doesn't as there have been positive feedbacks which people already make for him.

Long story short, what actually happened? What happened is harassment.
Whether he's a prince-charming material or not.
Whether it involves physical or not.
Harassment is abuse and it can be done in many ways. Not just physical, verbal, etc.
Period.

People are like, what if he's just joking? Ok, then, it is an offensive joke!

Jokes are supposed to be funny, but that one in that context is not.

And that's another culture we need to banish in order to create a healthy and gender equal environment. It should be shameful past. People have to stop, from now on.

A few months ago, the country is battling a great debate about the soon-to-be-approved law where the country will imprison a pregnant/rape victim girls who are out of wedlock. The country's logic for this kind of law is put to question. However, this recent issue makes it seemed that logic is out of the question now.

When #metoo campaign is almost a success in the States, girls in Indonesia aren't really standing in for each other. Probably, the concept of harassment is still low. Remember, there are some people think what he said is not offensive, but meaningless, and the girl is blowing out of proportion.

Yet, it is not surprising for the low self-esteem Indo girls have, especially towards foreigners. In basic, they tend to buy silly meaningless romantic gestures, and sadly, they aren't capable of recognizing the equality element they deserve to have---the real sincere loving and respectful gesture.

In my observation and experience within my circles, when it comes to relationships, even further level like in marriage, most of them are willing to be the 'number second' or  accept to concept of being 'the one who needs guidance from the husband', instead of being a real couple where they walk and work together equally. Not as a team, more like a boss and the subordinate, where the guy is number 1, leading you the right way as if he's not ever going wrong. In many cases where he is, the girl will be put to blame, saying it's her job to keep the guy from wrongdoing. Well... some institution and belief need to create a better job description.

This gender concept starts the negative feedback on women's fight for safety, equality and rights as a equal human being who are not in debt to anyone else (not to a man, not to any other individuals, groups or religions) which are.... surprisingly and not so surprisingly... are also coming from fellow women.

So, how do we need such campaign like #metoo? Would it work in Indonesia? My prediction would be... if it fails to make it a 'cool campaign', a lifestyle-driven one, nobody is going to buy it. Sorry to say, Indo are easily going to be on it only when it looks cool, without understanding how and why. It will be like you're selling a product, and no one is going to try it. But, it could be the opposite due to some factors. Who knows.

Why lifestyle-driven? Coz it's the one that speaks the language they can understand.
Got to make that clear.

But what else bothers me more? I wrote this post On Prostitution, On Self-Value, On Our Own Reality when a celebrity was caught for prostitution allegation. Caught in red-handed if I may add. I stood up for her, seeing what she was going through wasn't fair. For this case, she didn't do what I did for her: standing up, not for fellow female creatures, but for fellow human beings seeking equality and justice for all gender, for what we are, for all choices we make.

I just hope that Via Vallen's fame rises more and more for her talent, not the incident, so shall she remember for the whole-packaged courage she has. The fight must go on.

Source: also from giphy

Last week, it was my birthday. I was born on March 9th, in the morning of Jakarta time while the other part of the world still 'celebrates' International Women's Day. And so last week, part of the world is dominated in pink to celebrate women and... equality.

Talking about women, nowadays, cannot be separated with equality issue. When IWD came to 2016, my friend's Book Club is taking the issue with a popular book.

It was cool. Lots of men and women attended the club and shared the POV and situations. Yet, men's old ego and conventional thoughts were in, as well. Interesting.

The first pages of Lean In is about girl being bossy at work. Oh shits like that happen. Men can be bossy, but women can't. Men deserves better salary and privilege. If women wants more, they have to face sayings like "ambitious, selfish, and forgetting birthright" thrown to their face along the way.

So, people from book club... why is it interesting?
It's book club.
Where I think, people who read books are supposed to be smarter than those who don't. More open-minded and have knowledge more than anyone else.

Don't get me wrong. I naively think people who don't read aren't just plain stupid, they're just good at something else. (((MAYBE))).

Turns out. It's a blurry thing...of being open-minded. Once again, we found ourselves back in grey area.

A male programmer came up with statements and question. Long story short, he doesn't believe that women can do programming, because it's a man thing. Well, I was a VB programmer and web programmer starting when I was 12. I created my first website when I was 13. I received the best grade in school, winning from those men. It's just a matter you're interested to do it or not.

After the club was finished, I got introduced to a boy. I don't know his age and education background... or what books he has read. But this is our conversation:

This Guy: "As this is about women, not many of men coming. Usually there are many men, too."

Me: "Oh, really? So they're not coming because the women theme?"

This Guy: "Kinda"

Me: "Ha! So this is equality, huh?"

This Guy: "Yeah, I don't believe and agree with gender equality."

---this stupidity surprised me.

Me: "What? Why?"

This Guy: "People aren't born the same..."

Me: "Yeah, everyone is always different."

This Guy: "There's rich and poor... we all can't be the same."

Me: (this guy is definitely @#$%) "Of course, but you're not born to be men or women, or rich or poor. This equality isn't just about a piece of shit. This is about more than anything you can imagine. See if you're poor, somebody says you can't receive better education. That's not fair. If you want it, you should be given a chance or people should let you try. and not stopping you. No matter what you're born to be, you should be allowed to chase what you want to do."

This Guy: "yeah, correct. Just like LPDP, the people who receive the scholarship is mostly upper middle class."

Then I started to get confused. Did he get the point? Or did he just try to runaway because he couldn't answer me back? Dragging the topic to LPDP receiver?

So yeah. Books are great stuff. But again, books are media. You have to choose what you read and believe. Or you shall be misled.

These men can say such thing like this because the so-called lame patriarchal culture. Why? On TEDx stage, Michael Kimmel ever said, 'privilege is invisible to those who have it'.

In mass media, we were given an analogy: does fish know that they live inside water?

People with power won't realize until what they have is taken away from them. Just like the fish. they won't ever thank for water they have until they live inside water. Once they are taken out from water, they will struggle to breathe and finally understand that it's actually the water that allows them to live.

Talking about equality won't be solved in a day. The change the world has for gender equality is actually like a fight with an iceberg. Too much power rooted down, so strong and unseen.

The challenge isn't just coming from the men who stands up with patriarchal. But also from lazy and brainwashed women who just gave up, who just bitch up towards other women, and who doesn't think far ahead.

What I think gender equality is.... that we shouldn't be classified of what we are. The same chances, the same respect.

I know some woman who still don't want to bring heavy stuff and saying that it's men thing. You know, even man has his own limit. It doesn't mean that you're a woman that you can't hold up heavy stuff. We all have certain limits. Every human does, not classified whether you're man or women.

I remember someone used to said, male pride only burdens and trouble man himself. He has to keep strong, not showing emotional feelings while he actually needs to. Some men are just faking up their strength to hold on their manly image. And it's exhausting.

Gender equality isn't arriving as it is the time for 'coming of age'. It's a matter of when we realize we should.

I Am Malala tells us that there are some men who oppose women for education; learn from Jane Eyre to make decisions for yourself; Living History opens up the journey to make it between love life, family, career and politics with betrayal in the middle; Entrok shows that feminism and modernity changes in each generation and yet spirit to fight conquer anything; Aku Jalak, Bukan Jablay reminds us that people see widow differently and unfairly; and, it is much more harsh for women who committed affairs? Madame Bovary shows love does should be passionate, as well.

... what happens in my bedroom, stays in my bedroom...