Dodging and Dealing with Personal Attack on Social Media, and Why We Shouldn't Shut Up - A Personal Opinion
By Brigida Alexandra - February 07, 2020
Since I've been dealing with depression due to burnt out, I tried to heal in 'organic' ways. I fixed myself, starting by KonMari, to keep fighting to have a balanced lifestyle, eating well, and workout. I even review which healthy/which toxic relationship I should keep/leave. But, along the way, you'll find a few bumps, like new people coming in and old friends leaving you out. What if you try your best being you, being a good friend, during your recovery, then a person whom you think is your good friend is the one who's actually attacking you?
No matter how soft and subtle, an attack is an attack. It felt worse when it's done by a person you knew for a long time.
Ok, for the most recent story! I'll try to make it brief.
Lately, there was an event where I was invited. The event was unique, held in public transportation, in rush hour. I took some videos, posted with their hashtags. That's it. I SAID NOTHING ELSE. It was my form---and everyone's---of support to my friend who was part of the event. And, a photo on my Instagram feed, written 'My TGiF'.
Later on, I heard there was a series of complaints on Twitter.
I didn't stay on the after-party that long as I had Ballet class in the morning. On the way there, I received a notification from my Twitter, that I was mentioned in a reply, under apology Twitter post from the organizer of the event, with so many trolling replies from the netizens. That Twitter mention demanded me to comment---done by someone I knew for a long time, whom I consider a really good friend---I can't tell you how much I really cared for this person when he's not well or anything. Maybe it doesn't matter for him or it wasn't much. Yes, it wasn't much, of course.
"@brigidalexandra any comment on this? [evil laugh emoticon]"---> among twitter riot. Giving the context that by asking my comment would mean a way to put me in that riot, too! Why would a friend do that?
On another side, as an experienced PR person, I knew my comment would like adding gasoline to the useless fire. Any kind of comments would only be considered wrong, whether you're being objective or taking the positive sides. Talking about negative side for the sake of following the stream? Hey, I am friends with the organizers, I could do that personally. That's what friends do, if you do really care. I won't do it on another channel where it could be for public consumption.
Additional note: Everybody is saying the negative thing with a raging fire. And me, trying to say something objective or else, would not do any good for everyone. Not just for me.
Now, look at a more personal angle. If you're my friend, what kind of comment would you expect from me from such situation? Moreover, by putting in on public channel, what do you hope for?
On the other side, why would you need a comment from me... who wasn't the organizer, who just posted some videos on her IGStories and didn't brag for being there (while there were people who were depressed due to the event) as I was there only to support my other friend? Who also didn't know how the event would be like?
This... isn't political attendance.
If you really want an insider's story of what's really happening---my comments on what's happening, this person could just text me. I'm a quick replier unless I was in class, in a meeting, in bathroom situation or sleeping too deep. Why would you do it in public?
But I chose not to stay quiet. Giving silence would never let you win, but you should know on what channel you're speaking. So I chose not to reply on twitter, even though on Whatsapp might still be dangerous. I told everything on a personal channel.
Giving silence could mean you're agreeing on things it wasn't supposed to be; you're agreeing for being ignorant; you're agreeing on the thing that is not the truth. Or, that you're showing you are scared to face the situation.
What crushed me, even though that person figured out that I wasn't that being ignorant as he first thought I was, this person has reasons not to think that way as he has known me for so long. I thought he should be better at understanding how I would react to these things.
I didn't complain on social media because I analyzed both sides of the stories and deliver my inputs to the organizer directly. Yes, I can do that, coz I really know the organizers. So I can do it directly, yes directly. So why would I scream on social media for that? That's why and now you know I didn't shut up. Of course, I'm not that ignorant.
That makes me wondered: why would a person who has been friends with me still thinks I'm ignorant or can be an ignorant person within a turn of an event?
Truly, it disappoints me.
It also gives another clue, this person was actually trying to set me up! By thinking that I would definitely siding with the organizers as I was invited, I would only say the good stuff and defending them among the Twitter riot...which that would lead me to a personal PR crisis.
Ok, but I've managed to dodge the trap! Luckily, even though I was so tired for the night before, not enough sleep, waking up early for class. (Basically yes, no need to make my morning rougher with silly insensitive Twitter mentions as my Saturday morning and the rest of the day would be tough enough already.
I know some of the negative comments are coming from people who are actually deranged by the event. Some others are being jealous--> yes, this can happen. He also stated to me it might the caused by netizens 'hating the fashion people just because they're 'more posh'' in that event. Well, they can be annoying, but hating these people for this, isn't the correct reason.
So, I cleared out what happened to that person, but still, I can't help being devastated as a person who knew me for so long, thinking of me that low. I am failing myself for trusting the wrong person, caring about the wrong person, and everything. Again, I'm wrong about a person.
But how do you handle it?
During the talk, I also said this wasn't a fair complaint. I myself have been experiencing almost the same bad stuff when there was an event in the metro station. Exactly, the same metro station! Nobody complained, as it was a free event and everybody could enjoy it. The event I was invited was a limited event. Get the picture?
As I was there, it made me a witness. I knew the mistakes, the flaws, and anything the event had, but I also knew what has gone out of proportion.
In conclusion, I cleared out but on the right channel. Coz this person wasn't there at all, he knew from the twitter brouhaha only and basically, nobody owed him a special explanation, even though he felt like people did owe him one for this incident.
The organizer already stated an apology, things have been a lesson. It was their first event in such a situation. What's done is done. Moving forward and improve. The event was also one-time-only, not a series of events that lasted for a week or so. No other action needed to be taken as there was nothing else, but taking the lessons and admitting by apologizing.
Replying on social media is a tricky thing. It is easy to do, but it's politically tricky even if it happened between friends. We should weigh on who we are, in what capacity, where our level is and how things can go wrong to its worst. Then, it should lead to whom we talk to, does he really need our reply and what kind of reply this person should be given, in what worth?
Of course, how we dirige the reply is also important.
Sadly, as this is personal to me, me being hurt, I need to let it out. People are always surprising. It could be anyone who's looking for trouble and wanting to drown you in more problems more than you already have.
Remember, there would be people who cannot see clearly after knowing you for so long. Maybe they just don't want to. So adding you with more problems or for thinking that you have too much beautiful life that needs to be damaged to be looked equally fair wrecked like others'.
I'm cutting people off. Let that kind of person go, coz no guilt they would have after that they have done.
Of course, they wouldn't think they had given me a bad mood the whole day and hard nerve for hours during a 6,5 hour class on Saturday. What an ex-friend!
Hopefully, my personal story could help us identifying real good people/friends and dodging unnecessary drama.
No matter how soft and subtle, an attack is an attack. It felt worse when it's done by a person you knew for a long time.
Ok, for the most recent story! I'll try to make it brief.
Lately, there was an event where I was invited. The event was unique, held in public transportation, in rush hour. I took some videos, posted with their hashtags. That's it. I SAID NOTHING ELSE. It was my form---and everyone's---of support to my friend who was part of the event. And, a photo on my Instagram feed, written 'My TGiF'.
Later on, I heard there was a series of complaints on Twitter.
I didn't stay on the after-party that long as I had Ballet class in the morning. On the way there, I received a notification from my Twitter, that I was mentioned in a reply, under apology Twitter post from the organizer of the event, with so many trolling replies from the netizens. That Twitter mention demanded me to comment---done by someone I knew for a long time, whom I consider a really good friend---I can't tell you how much I really cared for this person when he's not well or anything. Maybe it doesn't matter for him or it wasn't much. Yes, it wasn't much, of course.
"@brigidalexandra any comment on this? [evil laugh emoticon]"---> among twitter riot. Giving the context that by asking my comment would mean a way to put me in that riot, too! Why would a friend do that?
On another side, as an experienced PR person, I knew my comment would like adding gasoline to the useless fire. Any kind of comments would only be considered wrong, whether you're being objective or taking the positive sides. Talking about negative side for the sake of following the stream? Hey, I am friends with the organizers, I could do that personally. That's what friends do, if you do really care. I won't do it on another channel where it could be for public consumption.
Additional note: Everybody is saying the negative thing with a raging fire. And me, trying to say something objective or else, would not do any good for everyone. Not just for me.
Now, look at a more personal angle. If you're my friend, what kind of comment would you expect from me from such situation? Moreover, by putting in on public channel, what do you hope for?
On the other side, why would you need a comment from me... who wasn't the organizer, who just posted some videos on her IGStories and didn't brag for being there (while there were people who were depressed due to the event) as I was there only to support my other friend? Who also didn't know how the event would be like?
This... isn't political attendance.
If you really want an insider's story of what's really happening---my comments on what's happening, this person could just text me. I'm a quick replier unless I was in class, in a meeting, in bathroom situation or sleeping too deep. Why would you do it in public?
But I chose not to stay quiet. Giving silence would never let you win, but you should know on what channel you're speaking. So I chose not to reply on twitter, even though on Whatsapp might still be dangerous. I told everything on a personal channel.
Giving silence could mean you're agreeing on things it wasn't supposed to be; you're agreeing for being ignorant; you're agreeing on the thing that is not the truth. Or, that you're showing you are scared to face the situation.
What crushed me, even though that person figured out that I wasn't that being ignorant as he first thought I was, this person has reasons not to think that way as he has known me for so long. I thought he should be better at understanding how I would react to these things.
I didn't complain on social media because I analyzed both sides of the stories and deliver my inputs to the organizer directly. Yes, I can do that, coz I really know the organizers. So I can do it directly, yes directly. So why would I scream on social media for that? That's why and now you know I didn't shut up. Of course, I'm not that ignorant.
That makes me wondered: why would a person who has been friends with me still thinks I'm ignorant or can be an ignorant person within a turn of an event?
Truly, it disappoints me.
It also gives another clue, this person was actually trying to set me up! By thinking that I would definitely siding with the organizers as I was invited, I would only say the good stuff and defending them among the Twitter riot...which that would lead me to a personal PR crisis.
Ok, but I've managed to dodge the trap! Luckily, even though I was so tired for the night before, not enough sleep, waking up early for class. (Basically yes, no need to make my morning rougher with silly insensitive Twitter mentions as my Saturday morning and the rest of the day would be tough enough already.
I know some of the negative comments are coming from people who are actually deranged by the event. Some others are being jealous--> yes, this can happen. He also stated to me it might the caused by netizens 'hating the fashion people just because they're 'more posh'' in that event. Well, they can be annoying, but hating these people for this, isn't the correct reason.
So, I cleared out what happened to that person, but still, I can't help being devastated as a person who knew me for so long, thinking of me that low. I am failing myself for trusting the wrong person, caring about the wrong person, and everything. Again, I'm wrong about a person.
But how do you handle it?
During the talk, I also said this wasn't a fair complaint. I myself have been experiencing almost the same bad stuff when there was an event in the metro station. Exactly, the same metro station! Nobody complained, as it was a free event and everybody could enjoy it. The event I was invited was a limited event. Get the picture?
As I was there, it made me a witness. I knew the mistakes, the flaws, and anything the event had, but I also knew what has gone out of proportion.
In conclusion, I cleared out but on the right channel. Coz this person wasn't there at all, he knew from the twitter brouhaha only and basically, nobody owed him a special explanation, even though he felt like people did owe him one for this incident.
The organizer already stated an apology, things have been a lesson. It was their first event in such a situation. What's done is done. Moving forward and improve. The event was also one-time-only, not a series of events that lasted for a week or so. No other action needed to be taken as there was nothing else, but taking the lessons and admitting by apologizing.
Replying on social media is a tricky thing. It is easy to do, but it's politically tricky even if it happened between friends. We should weigh on who we are, in what capacity, where our level is and how things can go wrong to its worst. Then, it should lead to whom we talk to, does he really need our reply and what kind of reply this person should be given, in what worth?
Of course, how we dirige the reply is also important.
Sadly, as this is personal to me, me being hurt, I need to let it out. People are always surprising. It could be anyone who's looking for trouble and wanting to drown you in more problems more than you already have.
Remember, there would be people who cannot see clearly after knowing you for so long. Maybe they just don't want to. So adding you with more problems or for thinking that you have too much beautiful life that needs to be damaged to be looked equally fair wrecked like others'.
I'm cutting people off. Let that kind of person go, coz no guilt they would have after that they have done.
Of course, they wouldn't think they had given me a bad mood the whole day and hard nerve for hours during a 6,5 hour class on Saturday. What an ex-friend!
Hopefully, my personal story could help us identifying real good people/friends and dodging unnecessary drama.
